How To Survive A Garden Gnome Attack
Move over zombies and pasty-faced adolescent vampires, there’s a new threat in town—and it’s about three feet tall. The common garden gnome has been gathering momentum as a cultural icon—and suburban guerilla—since the late 20th century. This deceptively benign lawn ornament leers from front porches and backyards across the United States, the U.K., and Europe (conservative estimates put 25 million in Germany alone!). They make front-page headlines in respected news media (see The Manchester Guardian, Oct. 14, 2009), subversive appearances in popular films like The Full Monty and Amélie, and they will star in the Disney animated feature Gnomeo & Juliet, scheduled for release in 2011. Fortunately, Gnome Defense Expert (GDE) Chuck Sambuchino offers a proven three-step strategy (Assess, Protect, Defend, or APD) for safeguarding possessions, pets, and loved ones from a gnome home invasion. The book includes interior/exterior schematics for gnome-proofing your dwelling, step-by-step instructions for violent confrontations at close range, correct gnomenclature, fascinating case histories of human vs. gnome clashes, and innovative ideas for rebuilding in the aftermath of a successful attack.